What Would Your Father Do? Lessons From The Previous Generation

When times get tough, or you find yourself in a situation where you don't know what to do, do you sometimes think, 'what would my father have done?'

Our society is changing rapidly... work is stressful, relationships are complex, and technology seems to be taking over. We now live in nuclear families, change our jobs more frequently, and have to deal with the values of modernization replacing those of our traditions.

Modernization certainly brings in advantages, but we also need to hold on to our traditional values to create a society that is ideal for us.

Our fathers represent a store of wisdom for these values. Which is why when we find ourselves in a place where decisions and direction are difficult, we seek answers in the experiences of our fathers.

When I was little, I never thought 'my daddy is the strongest'. Growing up I barely ever saw him. I mostly remember him as the doorbell that rang every night which made us flee to our beds and hide under the bed sheets hoping he wouldn't check in to find us awake past bedtime.

It was only after I grew up and matured enough to see him as an adult that I began to see in him the values that made me think, 'I want to be like him'.

Here are some of the values from his life that I hope to carry over into mine.

Work out of a sense of duty, not entitlement.

Dad worked insane hours when we were young. We didn't really think twice about it. The housefull of mummies, aunties and grannies kept us busy.

I now know he worked so much because he was bound by a sense of duty. Circumstances had required him to quit college, abandon his dreams of becoming an engineer, and take over a shop. 'Now run this shop,' circumstance had told him. 'And feed, clothe and educate your family, and the families of everyone who works with you.'

So he threw himself into this work - about which he knew nothing. He worked and learned till things started to make sense. Then he came up with ways to change the things that didn't make sense, or that could be done in a better way. Finally, he took that one store, and made it into a successful brand.

My lesson here is that if you put your heart into anything, you will be successful. It's all about attitude. No job is too boring. No work is too challenging. The more interest you take in something, the more interesting it becomes.

So if you're stuck in a dead-end job and wondering why other people have jobs they love, it is often because they choose to love these jobs and take pride in their work. You can choose this too.

Nowadays, we tend to change jobs more often. We're always looking for opportunities that pay more, are more challenging, more enjoyable. But everyone cannot have the coolest, most interesting job. We can't all be Zakir Hussains and Sachin Tendulkars, doing things we are extremely passionate about for a living.

But we can evoke passion for the thing we do, make it interesting for ourselves, and look for challenges within, until we make ourselves successful. Nobody is born to be a stationery salesman, but if you are in stationery sales, do it dil se, and become the best stationery salesman you can.

In '3 Idiots' Aamir Khan's character tells us kaabil bano, toh kamyabi tumhare peeche bhaagegi. Don't work to be successful, work to do the best work you can. Learn to love what you do, and success will follow.

Don't take shortcuts to success.

When my brothers joined dad's business, they started in the stock room, they worked their way to the warehouse, then sales floor, and finally up to management level. Learning takes time. Just as university takes a few years to give you a valuable education, so must you take that amount of time and effort to learn any business or profession.

A reward earned without putting in the due time and effort is rarely valued as it should be, and often squandered. If you accidentally end up as a CEO of a company, without first stepping foot on the lower rungs, you will not be able to lead with the wisdom and understanding required to achieve meaningful success.

A sound formal education is important, but so is a solid life education. You can learn from anything, and you must learn from everything. From experiences, both good and bad.

From people, both good and bad. But you must take the time to learn, and earn, your place in the world.

Change is not always easy, but it is necessary for growth.

When my father took over the shop in the '70s he realized that there was no culture of accepting returns and giving refunds for sales in the retail sector at the time. He saw this as unfair and asked his employees to change this trend and adopt a full refund policy.

No one at the company liked this. After all, it was hard enough to make sales in the first place, they lost their commission, and no other shop was doing this. His entire staff was against him, especially the older employees, who said 'who is he to teach us.' 'Yeh kal ka bacha hamein sikhaayega'.

It is easy to do the right thing when everyone agrees with you, when it will make you popular. But sometimes, doing the right thing will hurt people, make them angry, and make you unpopular.

No man is an island, the saying goes. And Indians hold relationships - family, community, social, cultural ties - particularly close to our hearts. Truth is, our relationships are the dominating factor in our lives, our highest priorities. They can make or break our lives. What people think of us, what our communities think of us, can give us the greatest prestige, or the deepest depression.

But it's important to do the right thing, not the popular thing. At the risk of being judged, even shunned, by those around us, we must stand up for what we believe is the right way. Often it leads to disheartening loneliness. Making change is not always easy.

So my father stood his ground and grudgingly the refund policy took root.

And it was worth it, because in the end everyone was amazed to see that the small commission lost was made up many times over by increased customer loyalty and trust in the brand.

It takes time, and patience, and guts to make change, but people always come around and see value in doing things differently, in a better way.

To grow you must change. To change, be courageous in the face of opposition because your integrity becomes a measure of who you are.

When I ask myself, 'What would dad do?' I'm not always looking just for answers to my dilemmas, sometimes I'm just looking for strength. He gives me both.

Father's Day just passed. Did it give you a chance to think about your father? Please share with us the lessons that you learned from your father, and those that you would like your children to learn from you.